Weapons-Grade Sarcasm

Happy Slapsgiving, Everyone

2009-11-27T00:45:18Z

I hope that those of you who celebrate had a good one!

Writer's Block: So funny I forgot to laugh

2009-10-23T14:16:22Z

If a friend cracks a corny joke, do you force yourself to laugh politely? What about if it's your boss or teacher? Do you get annoyed if someone else pretends to be amused?

Submitted By maxwearsboots

View 817 Answers

I just pretend I didn't get it. But if it's someone I can be honest with, I razz them about it and say something like "ha ha, you're a real commodian" or make a toilet-flushing noise.

Writer's Block: The one that got away

2009-10-09T18:55:59Z

Do you believe in the concept of a soulmate? Do you think you've met him or her? Do you ever worry that "the one" got away?

View 1849 Answers

No. If I haven't found "the one" by now, I'm probably not going to. That said, if I find someone, I want him to really knock my socks off. I don't want to settle for someone I'm not really compatible with just to avoid being alone.

To shill or not to shill

2009-09-22T02:19:55Z

I recently saw a post from the Paid Members group saying that LJ users can make extra money by allowing ads on their pages. Seeing as I could use all the help I can get in the money department, I'm thinking about it. I want to get people's opinions, though, because I know there are plenty of folks who hate seeing pages plastered with ads and I don't want to be inconsiderate.

View Poll: To shill or not to shill

Writer's Block: Finders keepers?

2009-09-10T01:10:14Z

If you found a $100 at the library, would you pocket it or turn it in? What about at a diner or pub? Confess!

View 1038 Answers

Is it $100 cash? If so, who would I know to give it to? Unless someone runs up yelling "oh no, I just lost $100? Did you find it?" there wouldn't be much that could be done. If I were to leave it there, someone else would come along and pocket it, and the person I turned it in to might do the same. I'd keep it, but I'd donate a portion of it to charity to pay it forward a little. If I get something for nothing, I feel obligated to share it.

Writer's Block: End of the World as We Know It

2009-05-01T22:04:36Z

Robert Frost speculated about the world ending in fire or in ice. Which do you think is likely to end us all: meteorite, global warming, nuclear weapons, zombies, or the superflu?

View 502 Answers

I say combine the zombies and the supervirus so we can go out Resident Evil-style. If that's not cool enough, throw in some ninjas.

MLF

Writer's Block: Swine Times

2009-04-30T15:10:55Z

Are you worried about catching the swine flu? Do you have a plan for avoiding contagion or dealing with quarantine?

View 501 Answers

I don't think the swine flu problem is nearly as bad as it's being made out to be by the alarmist media. They're always either taking a miserable situation and beating us over the head with it until we beg for mercy or taking a situation that's not as bad as it seems and turning it into the Apocalypse. First it was how we're headed for the next Great Depression, then it was shootings and now this. When this loses steam, they find something else to scare the crap out of us. Maybe they'll say the sky is falling.

If in the event I get sick, I will go to the doctor, get some anti-viral meds, feel lousy for a few days and recover like most everyone else with this flu is doing. It's not Captain Trips, people.

MLF

Writer's Block: Divided Self

2009-03-19T02:17:41Z

Do you behave differently online than you do in real life?

Submitted By tinysaur

View 500 Answers

I'm far more articulate online than I am in real life. I'm a much better writer than a speaker, and no one interrupts me while I'm typing a post.

MLF

Writer's Block: What a Way to Make a Living

2009-03-12T01:22:34Z

What's the worst job you've ever had?

View 501 Answers

Way back in the day I held a job for exactly two days. It was one of those deals where I had to take cookbooks out and travel door-to-door trying to get businesses to buy them. It was like telemarketing, except the weather was freezing cold, the verbal abuse was even more condescending and you weren't reimbursed for gas. Oh, and if the business refused to give back the sample cookbook, you had to pay for it out of your own pocket. Turned me off of sales for life.

MLF

Writer's Block: AKA

2009-02-28T01:43:23Z

What's the story behind your username?

View 503 Answers

Back when I first started watching CSI I got interested in the science, and while Googling, I came across the case of Madame LaFarge, who poisoned her husband with arsenic. The case was the first one to use forensics in the investigation. No, I have no desire to poison anyone, I just liked the name and it stuck. "Penny Dreadful" was taken from a cool B-grade horror movie I saw with Rachel Miner and Mimi Rogers. It first appeared in a series of books, which I didn't realize until very recently.

Not to be confused with Madame DeFarge, the character from A Tale of Two Cities.

MLF

Writer's Block: Animal Instinct

2009-02-18T21:57:31Z

What creature would you choose as your spirit animal?

View 502 Answers

Snuffalufagus.

But seriously, I don't know. I'd say a cat, but everyone is probably saying a cat, so I won't.

MLF

Writer's Block: Dream Trip

2009-02-18T02:39:21Z

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

View 503 Answers

There are tons of places around the world that I'd love to visit. I think I'd start with Japan. I'd need a Magic Translator, though. Or maybe a Babelfish (the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy version, not the Web site). From there, I'd go to New Zealand. After that, who knows?

Has the attitude toward Americans changed any in the rest of the world, or do I have to lie and say I'm Canadian?

MLF

Writer's Block: Sounds Good to Me

2009-02-16T02:38:51Z

Persnickety, flibbertigibbet, lollygag—some words are just more fun to say. What's your favorite word?

View 502 Answers

Rutabaga! And malarkey.

MLF

Writer's Block: Heart to Heart

2009-02-15T00:14:35Z

Valentine's Day: love it or hate it?

View 500 Answers

I neither love it nor hate it. It's a stupid, commercial holiday where businesses try to tell you that buying their product will make you a better boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. It's especially strident this year, because these businesses are desperate to stay afloat in this economy. Your love for your SO is no more special on February 14th than it is on the other 364 days of the year. Who needs an excuse to buy presents, go out to dinner, tell someone you love them or shag like minks?

What I DO hate about it is the smug couples who use the day as an excuse to rub everyone's noses in how oh-so-blissfully HAPPY they are, and how it's just too darn bad that all those poor, pathetic single people can't share in that kind of ecstasy. News flash, people: not all single people are that way because they can't find love or missed the boat. Some of us WANT to be alone.